


Dreams Are Toys

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-14
Updated: 2006-03-13
Packaged: 2018-08-16 05:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8089894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Malcolm can't stop dreaming. Set in Season 1. (11/23/2004)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

> Dreams are toys. Yet for this once, yea, superstitiously, I will be squared by this.
> 
> W. Shakespeare, _The Winter's Tale_  
> 

Hoshi glanced towards Malcolm's station. The man was late. Again. Over the past several days, Malcolm had been late for his shift four times, each time arriving disheveled, obviously having just awoken. _Completely unlike him,_ Hoshi thought. _He's usually prompt to the point of obsession._

Hoshi glanced toward the captain, who was mulling over his padd. Jon glanced up at Malcolm's station, then down to his chronometer. He frowned. He stood up and strode to T'Pol, beginning a conversation about the cluster of stars that they were approaching.

Hoshi waited until the captain seemed engrossed in his work. She surreptitiously buzzed Malcolm in his cabin. On her second try, she heard Malcolm's voice.

"Yeah," Malcolm said flatly, his voice clouded with sleep.

"Malcolm, you're supposed to be up here..."

"Ah, no." Malcolm responded, his voice more alert, a note of tension in his tone. He whispered, "Thanks, Hoshi." Hoshi heard a muffled "Fuck," before he cut the signal. She smiled.

* * *

Hearing the doors to the bridge close, Hoshi looked over to see Malcolm step into the room. He glanced at her, nodding once before he slid behind his station. Hoshi watched him stealthily steal a glimpse of the captain as he ran one hand through his hair, trying to neaten its appearance.

Turning back to her work, Hoshi noticed the captain move from T'Pol's station to Malcolm's, leaning down to speak to him briefly. Malcolm nodded, standing up to follow Jon into his ready room. Hoshi caught Malcolm's eye, giving him a sympathetic grin. He gave her a tiny, miserable smile in return, and the doors to the ready room closed behind him.

* * *

Hoshi entered the empty mess, still in her gym clothes. She wandered over to the serving area to see if there was anything left that might serve as a snack. Picking up a brownie, she grabbed a glass of chocolate milk, wandering towards the couch. As she reached it, she saw Malcolm slumped there, still in his uniform, sleeping, a half- empty mug of coffee curled in his hand.

Hoshi stopped suddenly, not wanting to disturb Malcolm, and she jarred her plate, sending her fork tumbling to the floor. The clatter woke him. He opened his eyes slowly and his hand twitched, tipping his coffee mug and spilling the liquid down the side of the couch. He stared at the spill, unmoving, his face blank, his eyes red and unfocused.

"Malcolm?" Hoshi moved closer to him, laying her food on the table in front of the couch. When he didn't respond, she squatted in front of him. "Malcolm, are you okay?" she laid her hand on his leg, gently.

Malcolm started, jumping slightly, and turned towards her quickly. "Jesus, Hoshi..."

"Are you all right, Malcolm?" Hoshi smiled, pulling her hand away.

Malcolm nodded, straightening up. He looked at his empty mug, then down at the spill, frowning, confused. Hoshi reached to the table, then handed Malcolm her napkin. She settled onto the couch next to him. She watched him carefully as he began wiping up the coffee.

"You were off in your own world there for a second."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I was just..." Malcolm's voice trailed off. He tucked the dirty napkin into his coffee cup, placing both on the table.

"Sleeping." Hoshi smiled at him kindly.

Malcolm shrugged, leaning back on the couch.

Hoshi peered at Malcolm, taking in his mussed hair, wrinkled clothes, and the dark circles under his eyes. "Have you been having trouble sleeping the past few days?"

"No," Malcolm's expression was puzzled. "Why?"

"Well, you're not quite your usual self," Hoshi smiled, indicating his appearance with a wave of her hand. "And I've noticed you've been late..."

Malcolm grimaced, then looked away. "I know. I just...I can't seem to wake on time."

"Maybe you need a new alarm clock," Hoshi chuckled.

Malcolm laughed quietly. "Yeah, one that will actually reach over and physically pull me out of bed."

Hoshi leaned over to the table and grabbed her brownie, taking a bite. She turned back to Malcolm, hoping to offer him a piece. As she moved, she saw his eyes slowly shut, and his head fall forward. Hoshi put down her plate. She leaned towards Malcolm, touching him on one arm. He stirred, but didn't wake.

Hoshi rubbed Malcolm's arm, and his eyes opened slowly. "Maybe you should go to bed?"

Malcolm rubbed his eyes. "Damn, I'm sorry, Hoshi. I just can't stay awake." He yawned.

"Go to bed, Malcolm," Hoshi ordered with a smile.

Malcolm grimaced. "Maybe you're right." He stood, picking up his mug. "Good night, Hoshi."

"'Night, Malcolm."

Malcolm placed his mug on the counter, and then walked to the door. Hoshi took another bite of her brownie, following it with a sip of milk.

At the door, Malcolm turned back to her. "Hoshi?"

Hoshi swallowed quickly. "Yeah?"

"Would you do me a favor?"

She nodded.

"Tomorrow, about 15 minutes prior to shift, could you..."

"I'll ring you."

Malcolm smiled, and left.

* * *

Hoshi watched the captain out of the corner of her eye. Malcolm was 10 minutes late for his shift, despite the fact that she'd been comming him, off and on, for the last 25 minutes.

The captain stepped to Hoshi's side, leaning towards her. His expression was one of carefully controlled anger. "Hoshi, could you please contact Malcolm?" he said quietly. She nodded and tried Malcolm's cabin once again, with no response.

"I'm sorry, captain."

"Try the armory."

She nodded and made the connection. After she spoke with the person on duty, she turned to Jon, shaking her head, worried.

Jon straightened. "Hoshi, since you're going off shift in a few minutes anyway, would you mind stopping by Malcolm's cabin and seeing if he's there?" His voice was calm, but she could sense an undercurrent of frustration. She nodded and got up, making her way to the lift.

* * *

Hoshi stood outside of Malcolm's cabin. On her way, she'd briefly checked the mess, the gym, even the armory since it was on her path, but to no avail. She rang his door chime, then waited.

"He should be in here," Hoshi muttered, concern wrinkling her forehead. She rang his chime again, glancing up the hallway. Seeing it was empty, she pounded on Malcolm's door, loudly. She got no response. She rang his chime once again, then turned to the comm. on a nearby wall. Thinking quickly, she paged engineering.

"Yeah," Trip answered, sounding rushed.

"Trip, it's Hoshi. This might sound weird, but, um, I need to get into Malcolm's cabin."

Trip laughed.

"Don't laugh," Hoshi interrupted, worried. "He was supposed to be on shift over a half hour ago. The captain sent me looking for him, but I can't find him anywhere. I'm outside his room, and I'm pretty sure he's..."

Trip interrupted her. "I'll be right there," he said soberly.

* * *

Trip overrode the door lock. Hoshi quickly entered Malcolm's room, Trip behind her. She reached for the lights and turned them up half way.

Malcolm was in his bed, his back to the door, obviously sleeping.

"Must be a pretty heavy sleeper," Trip joked, laughing softly.

Hoshi shrugged, walking to Malcolm's bed. "Malcolm?" she asked, to no response. She could hear him breathing. He was curled up under the covers, one arm tucked under his pillow, the other wrapped firmly in his blankets. She placed one hand on his shoulder, rubbing. "Malcolm?" She glanced at Trip, concerned. Trip lost his smile.

Hoshi shook Malcolm's shoulder, saying louder, "Malcolm?" He didn't move.

Trip stepped to the wall unit. "Phlox, we have a medical emergency..."

Hoshi tuned Trip out, and leaned over Malcolm. He looked peaceful, breathing heavily, deeply asleep. She reached out, using one hand to gently push the hair back from his forehead. Malcolm didn't stir.


	2. Chapter 2

Malcolm saw blue, and then yellow. He was looking up from the bottom of the pool, and he could see shafts of sunlight breaking through the water, splintering it into prisms of blue and yellow. He looked down, and realized that he could also see the legs and feet of the adults in the pool. He didn't know which ones were those of his parents. They all looked the same, blue through the water. He couldn't breathe, but he wasn't afraid. He floated, almost sitting on the bottom of the pool, and waited.

* * *

"It is...odd," Phlox said, puzzled. He turned to Hoshi. "You say he's been having trouble waking up?"

Hoshi nodded, biting her lower lip. She glanced at Malcolm, lying still on the narrow sick bay bed.

"No trouble falling asleep?" Phlox asked.

Hoshi shook her head. "No, more like trouble keeping awake," she grimaced.

"What's wrong with him, doc?" Trip asked.

"From what I can tell so far—nothing." Phlox said, smiling tightly. "My examination shows that there's nothing seemingly wrong with him. He's simply...sleeping." Peering up into Trip's doubtful look, Phlox continued. "Obviously there is something that we're not finding."

Phlox turned to a nearby counter, making several adjustments to a hypo. "I'm going to try a stimulant," he said carefully.

"Is that safe?" Hoshi asked, stepping to the side of Malcolm's bed opposite to the one where Phlox was working.

"This is a mild drug, very low risk." Phlox smiled at Hoshi reassuringly. Then he turned serious. "I need more information if I'm to solve this problem—data my tests aren't revealing. Perhaps if we can wake him, he can give us a better idea for the cause." He leaned over Malcolm, administering the hypo.

Hoshi heard the hiss of the device delivering its medication. Malcolm stirred, and Trip moved to the foot of his bed, watching. Malcolm turned his head to the side, moving his arm. His hand slid off the edge of the narrow bed. She heard him breathe deeply, then settle again.

Phlox watched Malcolm for several moments, keeping a careful eye on his monitors. He looked up at Hoshi. "Maybe something a little less mild..." He turned to prepare another drug.

Hoshi glanced at Trip, seeing her worry reflected in his eyes. She looked back down at Malcolm. She took his hand and gently replaced it on the mattress, covering it with her own.

Phlox turned back to Malcolm, his expression serious. Hoshi took her hand away, watching warily as Phlox administered the second drug. After a moment, she saw Malcolm's eyes flutter, and he moaned. Suddenly he gasped. His eyes opened partially. Unmoving, he stared at the lights above his bed, blinking slowly. Then he struggled to sit up, forcing himself onto his elbows before Phlox gently restrained him with a hand on his shoulder.

"You're fine, Malcolm," Phlox said calmly, slowly pushing him back to a reclined position. "You're in sick bay."

Malcolm looked at Phlox, his eyes glazed.

Hoshi touched Malcolm's hand again. "Hey, Malcolm," she said softly.

Malcolm turned to her, blinked slowly, then smiled. He struggled to sit up again. Phlox returned his hand to his shoulder.

"It's okay, Malcolm," Trip patted one of Malcolm's feet. "Lie down."

Malcolm moved quickly, twisting towards Hoshi. He sat up, his hand sliding out of hers. He placed his palms flat on the mattress to each side of him, then paused, staring at his legs dangling off the bed. He swayed. Hoshi reached out to grab his arm, steadying him. "Malcolm, please..."

Malcolm's head shot up, and he jumped off the bed, breaking her grasp. A tray next to the bed overturned with a clatter. Hoshi heard Trip shout, "Doc?"

Hoshi moved towards Malcolm as he took an unsteady step forward, falling and crashing to one knee. She crouched next to him as he placed one hand on the floor, trying to push himself up. Phlox and Trip moved to his side and helped him stand. Hoshi whispered, "It's okay, Malcolm," as they guided him back to the examination area.

Trip and Phlox helped Malcolm sit on the bed. He lowered his head, facing the floor, then yawned, rubbing his eyes harshly with both hands. Phlox began gently examining him, then turned to a nearby console.

Hoshi whispered, "You're in sick bay, Malcolm."

Malcolm, his head still down, peered up at Hoshi. He smiled slightly, yawning once again. Hoshi watched as he blinked twice. His eyes drooped closed.

* * *

Malcolm sank towards the bottom, slowly. He saw the play of the sunlight, glints of yellow and blue off the surface of the water, which was still rippling where he'd entered. He held his breath.

* * *

Hoshi grasped Malcolm's arm, gently shaking it. "Malcolm," she said firmly.

Malcolm's eyes shot open and he smiled at her, exhaling. "Lovely," he said softly, reaching out and running the tips of his fingers through the ends of her hair.

Hoshi pulled away cautiously and glanced at Trip, who was looking at Malcolm with surprise.

Phlox turned away from his console, smiling at Trip and Hoshi. "I need some time to complete my examination. Could I ask you to..."

"'Nuff said, doc," Trip replied, striding quickly towards the exit. Hoshi watched him leave, puzzled at his abruptness. She moved to follow him.

"Malcolm," Phlox said firmly, trying to catch his attention. "How are you feeling?"

The doors closed behind Hoshi as she heard Malcolm respond, "I don't know."

* * *

Hoshi spied Malcolm sitting alone on the couch, staring off at the stars. He was wearing civilian clothes, all black, an oversized sweater and soft pants. He was sunk deeply into the seat, his hands tucked into his sleeves, his legs up on the couch. He looked lost.

She walked over to him, standing next to the couch for a moment. She slowly sat next to him. Trying not to startle him, she whispered, "Hey, Malcolm."

Malcolm jumped, glancing briefly in her direction. He smiled vaguely. "Sorry. Dreaming."

"Phlox let you out?"

"Yes, this morning. I think I have him stumped." Malcolm turned to Hoshi, lowering his legs to the floor. "He told me to go back to my room and get some sleep." He smiled grimly. "But I'd rather not." He yawned, covering his mouth with the back of one hand.

"How are you feeling?"

Malcolm yawned again. "Completely knackered." He gave her a wry smile.

Hoshi assessed his appearance. His eyes were bloodshot, the skin around them red and swollen, but he was certainly more attentive than earlier. "You seem more alert."

Malcolm's smile twisted. "Drugs are a wonderful thing," he said sarcastically, then he laughed, waving his comment away with one hand. "I'm feeling a bit better now, but I do tend to fade in and out."

Hoshi grimaced slightly. "You have to take the drugs? I know you don't normally..."

"Only if I want to be awake," Malcolm interrupted. "I certainly don't want to sleep my days away while Phlox tries to fix this thing. And they are helping. Although they seem to be having a bit of an odd effect."

Hoshi turned her body towards his, drawing her legs up onto the couch. "What sort of an effect?" she asked cautiously.

Malcolm leaned slightly towards Hoshi, lowering his voice. "I think I'm seeing things..." he raised one eyebrow. "And that _can not_ be good." He smiled grimly, and sat back again, looking out the window at the stars. He shrugged, frowning. "Although actually, it's probably not the drugs."

They sat in silence, Hoshi watching Malcolm's profile thoughtfully. He stared at the stars for a while. She saw his eyes partially close. "What are you seeing, Malcolm?" she asked softly.

Malcolm's eyes closed fully. He swayed slightly.

"Malcolm?" Hoshi said more loudly, placing a hand on his arm.

"Stars, and water," Malcolm replied uncertainly, his eyes still closed.

"Does Phlox know?"

"Hmm," Malcolm nodded slightly. "I've been relieved of duty, of course," he muttered softly.

Hoshi watched Malcolm as he sat, silently, his eyes closed, his breathing regular. He seemed to be sleeping again.

"Cataracts of dreams," Malcolm suddenly murmured under his breath. "Dreams like toys, trifles." He opened his eyes slowly, blinking heavily. "Dreams everywhere, like waterfalls. I can't stop them." He glanced at Hoshi, then away. "Awake, asleep, it doesn't matter." He laughed morbidly. "I'm not even sure if I'm asleep now."

Hoshi interrupted softly. "You're awake now. You're not dreaming."

Malcolm turned to her, moving in close. He whispered conspiratorially, "I'm dreaming right now."

Hoshi looked at him sharply, concerned.

Malcolm smiled at her vaguely, his expression uncertain. "It's hard to explain. I don't really understand it..." He squinted at her. "I can see you, but..." He looked around the room. "We're in the mess, right?" he waved a hand to indicate their surroundings.

Hoshi nodded slowly.

Malcolm lowered his arm, resting it on his knee. "It's the mess, but not the mess. There's water..." He peered carefully at her. "You're here, and...I can see you. You're...tinged blue by the water." He looked up at the ceiling. "I can see the surface up there." He reached up with one hand, moving his fingers slowly. "Ripples, and sunlight breaking through." He looked back to her, his eyes now completely glazed. "It's hard to tell what's real." He lowered his arm.

Hoshi said, "I'm real," grasping his hand firmly, then letting go. She moved closer to him on the couch.

Malcolm slid closer to her as well, pulling his legs up onto the seat. His knees touched hers, and he leaned in towards her, whispering. "The water?"

Hoshi shook her head. "No," she said softly.

Malcolm nodded. "Thought not." He shrugged, looking around him. "Seems real." He sighed, a half smile on his lips. He tilted his head to the side, squinting, staring cautiously at the room around him. He blinked again, slowly, having difficulty keeping his eyes open. He muttered, "Sometimes I think I can tell..." He swayed unsteadily.

Hoshi reached out, grabbing his arm to steady him.

Malcolm clasped Hoshi's hand to his arm. He closed his eyes, sitting there for a moment, still. He released his grip on her hand. He ran his fingertips across the back of her fingers delicately, feather- light. Then he reached up slowly. He caressed her cheek.

Hoshi froze, too surprised to react.

Malcolm ran his finger down her cheek and across her lower lip. Cupping her chin in his palm, he leaned in and touched her lips with his own, so softly, his eyes still closed.

* * *

Trip stood in the doorway. He watched Malcolm caress Hoshi's face, seeing her look of surprise, then the kiss.

Trip stood there for a moment, shocked. He turned and walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

Hoshi cautiously leaned away from Malcolm. She squeezed his arm. "Malcolm?"

Malcolm opened his eyes, blinking at her. He frowned, and slowly moved his hand away from her face. He peered at her quizzically, and then his eyes widened and he leaned slightly away from her. "Bloody hell," he exclaimed softly. "I'm so sorry, Hoshi. I...I should never..." He shook his head in frustration. "I've not been myself lately."

Hoshi grabbed his hand. "It's okay." She smiled kindly.

Malcolm shifted on the couch, agitated. He stood, his hand slipping from hers. He looked at her, still flustered. "I..." He blinked. He swayed unsteadily.

Hoshi saw the rest in slow motion. She reached up to grab his arm, standing as she saw his eyes close. She almost caught him as he fell, the side of his head hitting the table with a crack as he tumbled to the floor.

* * *

Hoshi winced as she watched Phlox clean the wound on Malcolm's head.

Phlox glanced at Hoshi. "He should be fine," Phlox said, gently placing a bandage over Malcolm's cut. "We'll let him sleep for a while, hmm?"

Hoshi nodded. "How are you doing, trying to find the cause of all this?"

"I've made some progress." Seeing Hoshi's enthusiasm, Phlox shook his head. "Not much yet, but some."

Phlox moved away from Malcolm, waving Hoshi to a nearby chair. "I've been able to identify an alteration in his brain chemistry. Unfortunately, I don't yet know what has caused it." Phlox frowned. "I'm not even sure why that particular change would be causing these symptoms. It's...odd." He smiled broadly. "Only a matter of time," he said brightly. "Until then, it's probably best if Malcolm remains here."

Hoshi smiled. "Yeah, you know how much he likes sick bay," she said with gentle sarcasm.

Phlox looked at Malcolm, considering. "Well, I don't really need him here for my research. Not all the time." Phlox smiled at Hoshi. "He could leave, but I'd want him to have supervision."

"I can watch him."

"Very good." Phlox smiled. "Let me contact the captain and ask him if I can assign you, temporarily, to assist me."

* * *

"Yes, Phlox, that should be fine." Jon stood at the comm. in the captain's mess, discussing Hoshi's new assignment. "We're doing a scientific study of this cluster of stars. Hoshi should be free for a while."

Jon chuckled, sitting back down to his lunch with Trip. "So, what Porthos..." He looked up to find his friend frowning, playing with his food. "Trip, what's the matter?"

"Nothing," Trip said flatly. He slid his plate forward, standing up. "Sorry, captain. Just not hungry."

Jon watched the doors close behind Trip, puzzled.

* * *

Malcolm pushed away from the side of the pool, letting go for a second, then grasping the edge again. He looked up, watching his sister do the same. He pushed off again, trying to go further from the edge than she had. He grasped for the cement, and his fingertips clung for a second before they slid away. He sank through the cold water.

* * *

Malcolm sighed, his eyes fluttering open. He lay still for a moment, staring at the lights on the ceiling above him.

Hoshi leaned over him. "Malcolm? How are you feeling?"

Malcolm turned to Hoshi. "Cold," he said softly. He reached one hand up, rubbing his eyes. He swept his hair away from his forehead, touching his bandage carefully, wincing at the gentle pressure.

"You fell asleep standing up," Hoshi said, pulling the blanket up around his chest. "You fell and hit your head. You're in sick bay."

Malcolm lowered his arm. He squinted at Hoshi. "It's hard to see you through the water." He yawned, turning back to the lights above the bed.

Hoshi looked at him in surprise. "What are you seeing, Malcolm?"

"The surface," Malcolm said vaguely. "It's quite far..." his eyes fluttered shut. "It's so quiet down here," he murmured, dozing off again.

Hoshi looked for Phlox anxiously, seeing him working nearby. She walked to him. "Are you sure Malcolm's all right to leave? He's still acting pretty strangely."

Phlox turned from his bat cage and smiled at Hoshi. "Yes, he can leave. The stimulants I gave him should help keep him somewhat alert, and..."

Hoshi interrupted. "But I think he's seeing things, Phlox."

Phlox nodded, pensive. "Yes, he'd told me about that. He's been having some, um, blurring of the borders between his dreams and reality. Some hallucinations." Phlox walked towards Malcolm, waving his hand to indicate that Hoshi should follow him. "The medications should help." They began discussing Malcolm's treatment.

* * *

"Malcolm, come on, wake up," Hoshi said loudly, trying to rouse him. "Phlox said that you can leave..."

Malcolm smiled at her, his eyes still shut. "Why would I want to leave you?"

Hoshi laughed. "You can leave sick bay, Malcolm, so long as I stay with you."

"Sounds good." Malcolm opened his eyes, pushing the blanket down. Hoshi helped him sit up. He shook his head, then winced again. "My head hurts."

"Yeah, Phlox gave you an analgesic, but he wanted to keep it mild..."

Malcolm gave a small, careful nod, barely moving his head.

"Are you ready?" Hoshi asked, peering carefully into Malcolm's eyes to gauge his level of alertness. After a moment he nodded, carefully sliding off the bed and making his way towards the door.

* * *

"You hungry?" Hoshi asked as they neared the doors to the mess.

"No, not really."

Hoshi peered at Malcolm, who was looking wan. She stopped outside the doors. "The drugs make you feel like you aren't hungry. You should eat."

Malcolm shook his head gingerly. "I feel like shite, Hoshi. I couldn't possibly."

"Phlox mentioned it might help with the headache." Hoshi entered the mess.

Malcolm frowned, but followed her through the doors. The mess was empty, and Hoshi lead Malcolm to a table near the couch and window.

"Anything in particular?" Hoshi asked as Malcolm sprawled into a chair.

Malcolm shook his head, then groaned, smiling tightly. "Anything is fine." He leaned back and closed his eyes.

Hoshi stepped to the nearby serving units, choosing light snacks and a couple of drinks. She returned to the table as Trip entered the room. He passed their table, nodding at Hoshi without a smile.

"Hey, Trip," Hoshi said to his back, puzzled by his less-than-warm demeanor.

Trip turned back to their table. "Hello, Hoshi," he said coolly. He turned to Malcolm. "How are you feeling, lieutenant?"

Hoshi looked at Trip with surprise. She wasn't used to him being quite so formal.

Malcolm opened his eyes slowly. "I've had better days, commander."

"Would you join us?" Hoshi asked.

"No, sorry. Just grabbing coffee." Trip turned abruptly and walked across the room to the drinks dispenser. Hoshi stared after him, puzzled.

Malcolm yawned, playing with the food in front of him. He put down his fork, propping his elbows on the table, and placing his chin on his hands. He closed his eyes.

"Malcolm?"

"Hmm..." Malcolm replied, his eyes still shut.

"You really need to eat."

"Does Trip know?" Malcolm asked softly, with a wry smile. "What do you mean, does Trip know?" Hoshi replied, confused.

Malcolm opened his eyes. He smirked. "Does he know that you've been assigned to be my nursemaid?"

Hoshi looked at Malcolm in surprise. "I guess so. I mean, the captain knows, so..." Her brow wrinkled. "Why?"

Malcolm smiled enigmatically. "I do believe he's jealous."

"What do you mean, he's jealous?"

Malcolm shrugged, yawning.

Hoshi looked at Trip, shocked.

"Um, maybe I should go talk to him." Hoshi looked at Malcolm doubtfully. Malcolm gazed at her, his eyes clear. Hoshi thought she saw disappointment cross his face, but the expression was gone before she could be sure. "Are you all right, Malcolm?"

Malcolm waved her away, smiling briefly. "I'll be fine." Seeing her look of doubt, he continued, "I promise. I won't go anywhere." He glanced at the couch, and stood. "Actually, I'll wander over there. In fact I'll probably..." he laughed, "...sleep there." He gave her a slightly taunting smile. "Wake me when you're done."

Hoshi nodded, watching Malcolm move to the couch. She got up and walked across the room to Trip.

"Trip? Is something wrong?"

Trip turned away from the drinks. "No," he said flatly. "Why?"

"You're not normally this...cold."

Trip looked hard at Hoshi, then glanced over at Malcolm. He turned back to her, and his expression softened. "Ah, Hosh, I'm sorry, I'm just..." He sighed, and looked down at his cup. "I don't know what I'm doing."

Hoshi took his hand. "Trip, what's going on?" She asked kindly.

"Hoshi..." Trip looked at her plaintively, then glanced again toward Malcolm, sitting on the couch, facing away from them. Trip squeezed her hand. He straightened. "Hoshi, for a little while now, I've wanted to ask you, um...is something going on between you and Malcolm?"

Hoshi glanced at Malcolm, then back to Trip. "No, why?"

Trip released her hand, stepping back. Very softly, he said, "I saw you...earlier."

Hoshi looked at Trip quizzically, then smiled gently, remembering. "Oh, that. That was sort of...accidental. I'm not sure that he meant to...in fact, I'm not even sure he realized it was _me_. He's not quite himself." She asked, puzzled, "Why?"

Trip shifted, uncomfortable. "I got concerned. About you, I mean. I...Malcolm's not always the nicest guy, and I..."

Hoshi stiffened. "I'm aware of that," she said evenly.

Trip stammered, "Not that you couldn't defend yourself, of course." He blushed, and stared up at the ceiling. "This isn't quite the conversation I'd imagined." He laughed, looking back down at her, embarrassed.

"What do you mean?"

"Hoshi, I..." Trip's eyes were blazing. He took a deep breath. "Could I..." He closed his eyes, then opened them. He straightened his shoulders, completely serious, very formal. "Would you be willing to have coffee with me sometime?"

"As friends, or..." Hoshi tilted her head to the side, smiling up at him gently.

Trip grinned softly. "More like the 'or'."

Hoshi nodded. "I'd like that."


	4. Chapter 4

Hoshi pulled a chair up next to the couch. Malcolm was laying there, his eyes closed, breathing softly. She turned and watched the stars go by, waiting for him to wake.

* * *

He could see shafts of sunlight through the water...

Malcolm opened his eyes. He lay still, watching Hoshi stare out at the stars.

After several minutes, Hoshi glanced at him, noticing that he was awake. She smiled. "What are you seeing now, Malcolm?"

"You."

Hoshi looked at him, her gaze direct. She leaned forward, folding her arms across her knees. "Why did you kiss me, earlier?"

Malcolm appraised her frankly. He sat up, and moved closer to her. His knee brushed hers. "Hoshi, you're a beautiful woman."

Hoshi smiled. Her cheeks flushed.

Malcolm placed his hand on top of hers. "And I have to admit, I have thought..." His gaze was intense. He rubbed her hand, delicately, with his fingers. "I would like it, very much..." He leaned in, hesitating for a moment. Then he kissed her.

Hoshi responded, melting into his kiss.

Malcolm broke the embrace, leaning forward, looking down, his forehead touching hers. He turned her hand, palm up, and interlaced his fingers with hers.

"Are you dreaming now?" Hoshi whispered.

Malcolm chuckled softly. "No, I'm not dreaming now." He leaned back slightly, adjusting his hold on her hand.

* * *

Malcolm jerked, and his eyes opened. Hoshi turned away from the window, smiling at him. "You've been asleep for a while."

Malcolm gasped. He stared at her in disbelief. He'd been sure...He could still feel the warmth of her hand. He shook his head, trying to clear it. "Hoshi, I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this..." He sat up, his head buzzing with tiredness.

Hoshi leaned towards him. "What do you mean?"

"I'm out of sync with the world around me, and I'm not sure where my dreams end..." Malcolm's voice drifted off, and he grimaced at Hoshi. "My dreams are more real than my awake time." He looked confused. "At least I think so." Malcolm lowered his head into his hands and closed his eyes. "I'm not sure that I can trust what I'm seeing."

Hoshi placed her hand on his arm, gently. She felt him tense. "What's wrong?" she asked soothingly.

"Stop being nice to me," Malcolm said flatly. He stood, moving away from her. He stared out at the stars, and spoke with quiet frustration. "I don't really know how to explain." He swung back to her, his fists clenched. "I'm fucking seeing things. I think something that happens is real, and the next thing I know, it's not."

Hoshi looked at Malcolm, shaken. She spoke guardedly. "Maybe you should talk to Phlox again."

Malcolm shook his head, walking back to the couch and slumping in the far corner, away from Hoshi. She watched him fume for a while.

"I'll be right back," Hoshi said softly.

Malcolm simply nodded, not looking at her.

Hoshi moved to the drinks dispenser again, getting two mugs of coffee. She walked back to the couch, sitting, leaving plenty of space between herself and Malcolm. She glanced at him, still staring off into space, and slid one of the cups across the table towards him. It settled in front of him, but he didn't take it.

Hoshi watched him carefully. He blinked several times, slowly, staring out at the stars.

* * *

"How long?"

"Pardon?" Malcolm replied, puzzled at the question.

"How long have you..." Hoshi grinned, waving her hand quickly.

"Oh!" Malcolm exclaimed. He smiled, "It's been a while." He reached over to Hoshi's plate, stealing a carrot and tossing it into his mouth.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I don't know. I was shy?" Malcolm grinned slyly around his carrot.

"I highly doubt that."

Malcolm paused, his merriment dissipating. "I didn't want to say anything. And I wouldn't have, except..."

"You were dreaming."

Malcolm nodded soberly. He looked at her carefully. "I'm not always a nice person. My relationships tend to fall to crap, usually through my own fault. I..." He shrugged, "I thought you could do better."

Hoshi leaned in and kissed him. She broke off, reaching up, and brushed his hair away from his forehead, careful to stay away from his bandage. "I think you should let me make those sorts of decisions for myself." She trailed her hand down his cheek, down his neck.

Malcolm gasped involuntarily, his eyes smoldering. He reached up and grabbed her hand. "Hoshi, you're going to kill me."

Hoshi raised one eyebrow. "You seem to be feeling better."

"Yeah, I'm feeling pretty alert right now." Malcolm laughed.

"Maybe we should tell that to Phlox."

Malcolm looked puzzled.

Hoshi whispered, "Kissing seems to wake you up."

Malcolm smiled. "Everything about you wakes me up."

* * *

Malcolm heard the door to the mess slide shut behind him. He glanced at Hoshi, who was sitting on the couch, leaning against its other arm. She was sipping from her mug. There was no plate near her, no carrots. Malcolm shook his head, blinking rapidly, trying to focus. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath. He felt numb.

"Sorry?" Hoshi turned to him.

"I think that, maybe, if I don't, um..." Malcolm murmured, rubbing his eyes violently, groggy.

"Malcolm, are you all right?"

Malcolm turned to Hoshi, frowning, keeping his eyes from hers. "Seeing things again, Hoshi. I'll be grand in a minute." He laughed bitterly, struggling to concentrate.

Hoshi leaned towards him, worried.

Malcolm heard someone walking behind them. He turned to see Trip standing there, a mug in his hand.

Trip smiled at Malcolm, nodding. He turned to Hoshi. "Needed more Joe." He raised his cup. "Looks like a long day."

"How much is there left?" Malcolm muttered, peering blearily at Trip.

Trip looked at Malcolm sharply. "Excuse me?"

Malcolm tried to focus. "Of today—how much is there left?"

Trip shot a glance at Hoshi, concern furrowing his forehead. He looked back to Malcolm, taking in his red eyes and the bandage on his head. "Not too much, Malcolm. It's almost night." Trip slid into the chair next to Hoshi's. "Heard you fell down, went 'boom.'" Trip said gently.

Malcolm shrugged, frowning.

Hoshi interrupted. "Actually, it was before we'd seen you earlier."

"Sorry, it's been so busy." Trip peered at Malcolm. "Did you have that bandage earlier?" Malcolm nodded. "Sorry, man. I must have been distracted." Trip glanced surreptitiously at Hoshi, who blushed.

Malcolm looked away from them. He closed his eyes.

Trip turned to Malcolm, asking seriously, "How are you feeling?" He took a large gulp from his mug.

Malcolm cringed. "Bit worse, bit better. It depends on the moment," he said bluntly, his eyes still closed.

"Jon said that you've been having dreams..."

"I don't really want to talk about it," Malcolm interrupted harshly, opening his eyes and staring grimly at Trip.

Trip looked at Malcolm, taken aback. "Right," he said, slowly. He stood, mug in hand. "I should be getting back to work anyway." Trip smiled at Hoshi, shrugging, then moved towards the door.

"Hold on, Trip..." Hoshi called, standing and walking away from the couch.

Malcolm watched Trip and Hoshi's reflections in the window in front of him. He saw them speak, then saw Hoshi stand on her toes, reaching up, giving Trip a light kiss on the cheek. Trip smiled, then left.

Malcolm reached to the table and picked up his mug. He sipped, grimacing at the coffee, laying the cup back down. He leaned his head back against the cushion and closed his eyes.

* * *

Malcolm was getting cold. He felt like he'd been at the bottom of the pool forever...

* * *

Malcolm opened his eyes, blinking slowly against the light. "It's too fucking bright," he muttered under his breath.

Hoshi laughed. "It's officially morning."

Malcolm stared at her for a moment. Then he grinned. "Fair enough," he chuckled, glancing at the time.

"Come on, Malcolm. Let's get out of here." Hoshi helped him, groaning, off the couch. They left the mess and started walking to Malcolm's room.

"When you _are_ dreaming, what do you see?" Hoshi asked.

Malcolm frowned slightly. "It's hard to remember," he lied. He looked at her guardedly. "Different things."

"You'd said water, and stars."

"Yeah. I think that sometimes I'm dreaming of the time I drowned..."

Hoshi stopped walking, surprised. "Excuse me?"

Malcolm smiled slightly, waving her on. They continued down the hall.

"Yeah, I remember sliding into the pool. Settling at the bottom. I wasn't panicked. I was just waiting for someone to notice that I was gone." Malcolm sighed. "Weird feeling, not breathing." He yawned. "Cold. I wasn't scared until they pulled me out and I saw their faces. The panic. Then I started crying." He laughed quietly.

"How old were you?"

"I couldn't have been older than 3, or 4."

"What about the stars?"

Malcolm looked at her, considering her question. "I'm not sure about those. I'm not sure if they were really part of the dream..." He yawned. "...or just what I was seeing out of the window." He yawned again, stopping in his tracks. "Damn. Sorry, Hoshi. Tired, as usual." He smiled apologetically.

Hoshi placed her hand on his shoulder. She scolded gently, "You didn't eat anything."

Malcolm looked at her sharply. "Well, we were interrupted."

Hoshi felt Malcolm's shoulder tense. She let go, stepping away. She looked at him silently, considering the situation. Then she said bluntly, "Trip asked me out."

Malcolm nodded, expressionless. "I figured as much."

"Malcolm..."

Malcolm started walking quickly. "I'm tired," he said, his voice frosty.

Hoshi hustled to keep up with him. "Malcolm, if something's wrong, we should talk..."

Malcolm stopped again, turning on her, openly angry. "Hoshi, can you _not_...just..." He blinked slowly, shaking his head, his anger dissipating as fast as it had come. Seeing the look of unease on Hoshi's face, he sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm tired of being tired. And I'm..." He spoke softer. "I'm sick of dreaming." He rubbed a hand across his eyes, pausing, leaning one arm against the nearby wall. "And my head hurts," he mumbled. He slumped slightly against the wall. Hoshi caught him, holding him up for a second while he tried to recover.

"Jesus." Malcolm looked at Hoshi, alarmed. He couldn't support himself, his legs giving way. He leaned heavily on her. He tried again to straighten up. "Fuck." He slid to the floor.

Hoshi hovered over Malcolm for a second, then she ran to the nearest comm., paging Phlox. She returned to his side.

Malcolm blinked slowly. He smiled, looking up at Hoshi, who was bent over him. "That's a lot of fucking water..."

* * *

Malcolm laid on the bed in sick bay, listening to Phlox complete his dictation. Phlox spoke quietly, although Malcolm could hear some of what he said.

"Some of his symptoms...although not completely identical, and attempts at using related cures have failed...seem to be getting worse...no symptoms prior to a few days ago."

Malcolm drifted off, missing the next few words. He awoke, hearing Phlox again.

"Cataplexy with associated hallucinations. Excessive sleepiness. Sleep attacks. However, no known predisposition to sleep disorders...Treatment so far has focused on the symptoms, as the root cause is yet unknown...includes stimulants...possibly causing anxiety and irritability. Caution needed, potential for dependency..."

Malcolm yawned, muttering sarcastically, "The dependency sounds lovely." He heard Phlox turn off his recording.

"Ah, Malcolm, you've rejoined us, yes?"

Malcolm opened his eyes, squinting against the lights. He saw Phlox working at a nearby table. "What happened?" he murmured, trying to clear his head.

"You experienced muscle weakness, and some hallucinations. How are you feeling right now?" Phlox looked at Malcolm's monitors.

"Odd. Tired."

"I've adjusted your dosage of stimulants, and added an SSRI, which should help with the muscle weakness. You should feel a little clearer in a couple of hours."

Malcolm nodded. "Where's Hoshi?"

"I sent her to her room. She needed some sleep."

Malcolm laughed bitterly. "She's welcome to some of mine."

Phlox nodded, patting him on the shoulder.

* * *

Malcolm walked beside Hoshi, hoping the movement alone would keep him alert, because he could barely think. It seemed that, despite the medications he was taking, he was actually getting more tired with each passing day. It was also becoming harder to function, harder to tell dream from reality. He was getting desperate.

Malcolm stumbled, catching himself against Hoshi's arm.

"I'm sorry, Hoshi," Malcolm said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Hoshi turned to him, looking at Malcolm carefully. They'd only been walking for a few minutes, but he was pale, and he looked drained. "Let's stop, Malcolm," she said gently. "You could use some rest."

Malcolm leaned his back against the corridor wall, exhausted. He sighed and looked down at the floor, closing his eyes after a moment.

Hoshi touched him on the arm. "Malcolm, we're right near my cabin. You can rest there for a while."

Malcolm shook his head, opening his eyes with effort and peering up at her through lowered lashes. "Ah, no, Hoshi. I'll sleep once we get to my room. You needn't..."

"It's all right, Malcolm." Hoshi reached out and tugged his hand. "Come on."

Malcolm allowed himself to be pulled away from the wall, then lead to her cabin; not speaking, his head down, his eyes partially closed. When they reached her room, he slumped onto her bed, Hoshi sitting beside him.

"Lie down, Malcolm." Hoshi patted her lap. Malcolm looked at her guardedly, then, at her smile, gave in. He lay down on his side, his head pillowed on her legs. Hoshi ran her fingers through his hair, gently. He sighed, and relaxed into her touch. He allowed his eyes to close. He slept.

* * *

Malcolm jerked awake, his body jumping.

"Shh...you're okay, Malcolm," Hoshi said quietly, her fingers soft through his hair. Malcolm turned so that he was looking up at her, his head still in her lap. He reached up and brushed his fingers through the ends of her long, dark hair, amazed at its softness, admiring the way it hung around her shoulders.

"You are lovely," Malcolm said softly, looking at Hoshi in awe, his eyes dazed.

Hoshi smiled. She reached out and ran a gentle finger across his lips.

Malcolm gasped, and closed his eyes.

* * *

Malcolm jerked awake, his body jumping.

"Shh...you're okay, Malcolm," Hoshi said quietly, her fingers soft through his hair. Malcolm turned so that he was looking up at her, his head still in her lap. He reached up and brushed his fingers through the ends of her hair, amazed at its softness, admiring the way it hung around her shoulders.

Hoshi looked at him quizzically. "Are you all right, Malcolm?"

Malcolm froze, suddenly grounded again. He dropped his arm to his chest. Then he sat up quickly, staring at Hoshi. "I'm...fuckin' brilliant," he said, sarcastic, scared. He'd actually felt her finger on his lips, he was sure of it. He stood, backing away from her. "I'm sorry, Hoshi. I don't know what I was..."

"That's okay, Malcolm," Hoshi said, rising slowly.

Malcolm shook his head violently. "It's _not_ okay," he shouted. His back hit the wall of her cabin, and he braced himself against it. "I'm not okay," he said more quietly, his voice cracking with stress. He slammed his fists back into the wall behind him. His voice rose in frustration. "I'm either sleeping and dreaming, thinking that's real, or awake and hallucinating, thinking that's real. I can't keep it _straight_." He closed his eyes in frustration, and felt a tear slide down his cheek. He brushed it away, angrily. "Fuck," he said quietly, tense, his voice shaking. He allowed himself to slide down the wall, and sat against it, his head down, his eyes closed, trying to calm his breathing.

Malcolm heard Hoshi cross her cabin, sitting down next to him along the wall. She took his hand gently. They sat without speaking. After a while, Malcolm opened his eyes and raised his head, staring straight ahead of him. "The waiting is the worst part," he said flatly.

Hoshi squeezed his hand, watching his profile.

"The dreams and the hallucinations are hard, but..." Malcolm turned his head slightly in Hoshi's direction. "When I'm awake, alert, I'm simply waiting for the next one. And that's worse." Malcolm slipped his hand from hers, rubbing the back of his neck. "My life's on hold. And in the meanwhile, I'm taking more and more meds..." he grimaced.

Hoshi turned her body so that she fully faced Malcolm. "You could stop for a while," she said in a measured voice, peering at him carefully. Malcolm looked at her sharply. "Not permanently, just for a few days...give yourself a break."

Malcolm considered what she'd said, then shook his head. "I don't want to sleep my life away." He smiled grimly. "I've enough trouble without that as well."

Hoshi gave Malcolm a gentle smile. "It'll get better."

Malcolm merely nodded, and turned away.


	5. Chapter 5

Hoshi settled into the seat beside Malcolm, sliding a tray bearing their lunch onto the table in front of them. "So, Phlox thinks that your, um, problem, has something to do with this area of space." She started pulling plates off the tray.

Malcolm looked at her sharply. "Are you joking?"

Hoshi grimaced, shaking her head, pausing in her work.

"So why is it only affecting me?" Malcolm asked, a note of disbelief in his voice.

Hoshi frowned. "He's not sure. Maybe you're more susceptible to sleep disorders anyway...who knows?"

"Bloody hell." Malcolm rubbed his forehead with one hand.

Hoshi smiled at him sympathetically. She placed her hand on his arm and peered into his eyes. Then she whispered, "You know, for an officer, you have a really foul mouth."

Malcolm looked at her in surprise. Then he snickered, grinning slightly. "Ah, fuck off complaining."

Hoshi's smile widened, and she chuckled. Malcolm's smile broadened, then he started laughing, rocking back in his chair. He hiccupped, his laughter continuing, tears streaming down his face. "Ah, fuck," he muttered, pausing for a moment, wiping away his tears.

Hoshi snickered again. "See what I mean?" She smirked.

Seeing the grin that spread across Hoshi's face, Malcolm started laughing again. "It's just..." he gasped. "It figures. If it's going to happen to anyone on the ship, it'll happen to me." He tried to catch his breath, his laughter abating.

Hoshi looked at him, grinning wryly. "You're right. You do seem to be the chosen one." She stood. "I'm getting something to drink. Want something?"

Malcolm nodded, still smiling. "Tea, please."

"Sure, back in a jif." Hoshi walked towards the drinks dispenser.

Another chuckle escaped Malcolm as Hoshi left. She glanced back at him over her shoulder and smiled.

Malcolm heard the mess doors opening, and turned to see Trip and Jon entering, talking. Jon nodded to Malcolm, then moved to the serving area. Trip walked to Malcolm's table.

"Can we join you, Malcolm?"

"Abso-fuckin-lutely," Malcolm said in his best American accent, nodding, trying to look serious.

Trip looked at him strangely, then sat down. "Are you all right?"

Malcolm grinned, trying to hold in his laughter, but losing the battle. He leaned back and roared. He shook his head, putting it down on his arms, his shoulders shaking.

Hoshi and Jon walked up to table, drinks in hand. Jon looked at Malcolm, then to Trip. He raised his eyebrow, smiling. "Something I said?"

Jon sat, and Hoshi slid into the chair next to Malcolm. She touched him on the shoulder. "You okay?" she whispered.

Malcolm nodded, his head still down, starting to calm. He whispered, "I'm just tired. It's making me giddy." He held back a laugh, peering up over his arms and smiling up at her. "I'll be grand in a minute," he said, lowering his head again, nestling it in his arms. He yawned as the conversation went on around him.

Hoshi turned to the captain. "Has Phlox spoken to you today?"

"No, but he's the next meeting on my calendar. Why?"

"He thinks he's figured out what's going on with Malcolm."

Jon raised his eyebrows, looking at Hoshi in surprise.

"He thinks it has something to do with this area of space." At Jon's questioning look, Hoshi continued. "I don't understand the specifics of it, but..." she glanced at Malcolm, whose head was still down, and seemed to be sleeping. Hoshi lowered her voice. "I'm concerned, Jon. Between the actual problems he's having here and the problems the drugs might eventually cause..."

"You think we should leave this region."

Hoshi nodded. "Could we? I mean, I know the research is important, but..."

Jon interrupted her. "It's not as important as he is. And it's almost done anyway." He nodded, turning to Trip. "How long do you think it would take to wrap up the experiments if we stopped them now?"

Trip thought for a moment. "From what T'Pol was saying yesterday, I'd say about a day. Maybe 18 hours if we both work on it."

Jon nodded. "Good. Talk to T'Pol, and I'll mention it to Phlox." He turned back to Hoshi. "Do you think he can hold up that long?" He glanced at Malcolm, worried.

"I think so. Maybe." Hoshi looked concerned, then she smiled slightly. "When he wakes up, I'll tell him we're leaving. That should at least make him feel better." Hoshi picked up her fork, taking a bite from her meal.

Suddenly Malcolm lifted his head, looking at Jon. "Did you hear that?" he interrupted, serious, his previous laughter gone. His eyes were glassy.

Jon turned to him. "Hear what, Malcolm?"

Malcolm cocked his head to the side. He waited. "That."

"No." Jon replied, concern etched on his features.

"What are you hearing?" Trip asked.

Malcolm listened. "Voices, um, someone talking."

Hoshi put down her fork, sliding her plate to the side as she grasped Malcolm's hand. She touched his face, and he turned his eyes to hers. She whispered, "It might be an auditory hallucination. Phlox told you about those."

Malcolm focused on her face. "Right, yes, of course." He nodded crisply. "Dead right. I just won't listen," he said firmly.

Jon turned to Hoshi, uneasy. "Has this happened before?"

Malcolm answered, shaking his head. "First time like this." He started bouncing his leg, agitated. The hand he had resting on the table started twitching.

Hoshi nodded. "The others were different. Phlox adjusted his medications a couple hours ago. I think this might be related." She turned to Malcolm. "We should get to sick bay."

"No, no no no," Malcolm said rapidly, standing, frightened.

Hoshi looked at Trip. "Could you call Phlox, please?" she asked quietly.

Trip nodded, moving off to the wall comm.

Hoshi stood slowly and took a stride towards Malcolm. He put up his hands defensively, taking several steps back, then turned and walked to the other side of the room.

Jon and Hoshi watched Malcolm, concerned. He started pacing, muttering to himself, scratching his left arm through his shirt while he moved. Then he stopped walking, pulling his sleeve up to allow him better access to his skin. He stared down at it, then started scratching again, each pass raising red welts. Hoshi saw him draw blood and she gasped, taking a step towards him.

Malcolm's head shot up. He stared at Hoshi. He looked cornered, panicked, and Hoshi froze. He leaned his head to the side, listening, his eyes still on hers. He slowly stepped backwards until his back hit the wall, and he crouched down on his heels. He started rocking slightly, his eyes still locked on hers, his nails worrying his arm.

Phlox rushed in, kneeling next to Malcolm. Malcolm started, but continued staring at Hoshi. "Sorry about that, Malcolm," Phlox said softly, injecting a hypo into his shoulder. He calmed, finally looking at Phlox, then to Hoshi. He smiled and closed his eyes.

* * *

Malcolm peered up at the lights. He felt himself floating, suspended halfway between the bed and the ceiling. He wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not. For a moment, he struggled to decide, to be certain.

He closed his eyes. It didn't matter.

* * *

Malcolm squinted against the brightness, trying to bring his hand up to shield his eyes. The air was like treacle. It was too heavy. He let his arm drop to his side.

He could hear voices nearby, but he couldn't understand their words. Everything sounded muffled. He tried to turn in the direction of the sound, but his head felt leaden.

His arm hurt. He wasn't sure why.

He closed his eyes. It didn't matter. Nothing did.

* * *

Hoshi pulled Malcolm in close, her chest pressed against his back. He relaxed into her, listening as she murmured sweet nothings to him, nibbling on his ear. He sighed.

* * *

Malcolm opened his eyes. He saw the familiar lights of sickbay. "Right," he muttered under his breath. "Of course."

* * *

Malcolm was sitting on the bed, leaning slightly forward. His arms shook as he struggled, exhausted, to hold himself upright on the bed. It was hard. The water was buffeting him a bit, and it was making him sway. He was so tired. He wished it would stop.

He kept his hands gripped tight on the edges of the bed. If he could just stay upright, maybe he could manage to stay awake. He was sick of sleeping, sick of dreaming. Sick of everything.

He saw a movement nearby. It was all he could do just to lift his head.

Hoshi sat in a chair beside the bed.

Malcolm squinted at her, trying to make her out through the distortion caused by the water. He tried to lift an arm, hoping to wave away some of the liquid, make it easier to see her. It was impossible. He closed his eyes, giving in to the weariness for a moment.

Hoshi said something to him, but he couldn't really make it out.

Malcolm opened his eyes. Hoshi was standing next to him, one hand on his shoulder. He looked up into her face. It was easier to see her when she was this close. "I'm sorry. Did you say something?" he asked quietly.

He watched her mouth move. He could hear her response, but he couldn't quite make out the words. He shook his head, looking down at his knees. "I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying." He blinked languidly, then closed his eyes again, exhausted.

* * *

"When are we leaving?"

Hoshi looked up from her padd, surprised to find Malcolm awake. "What?"

"When are we leaving here?" Malcolm turned onto his side, careful not to fall off the narrow bed. He wiped his eyes with his hand, then rubbed the back of his bandaged forearm against his forehead.

"Soon, Malcolm. Maybe ten more hours."

Malcolm nodded. He looked around sickbay, squinting. "It's really bright in here." He put his head down, and his eyes closed. His body fell forward slightly, and Hoshi reached to him from her seat, grabbing his shoulder to keep him from tumbling off the bed.

"Sorry," he gasped, his eyes shooting open.

"Lie back, Malcolm." Hoshi stood, pushing Malcolm gently onto his back. She patted him on the shoulder. "We'll be out of here soon."

"'sokay. Doesn't matter." Malcolm mumbled, closing his eyes.

* * *

Malcolm could hear voices nearby, but he couldn't open his eyes. Not that he tried. It was pointless. The water was pressing down, holding him still. He drifted.

"How's he doing?" he heard Trip whisper.

"Sleeping again, I think. It's hard to tell sometimes," replied Hoshi.

"We're almost done in the lab. Maybe another few hours."

Malcolm heard silence for a moment or an hour, and he floated. He wasn't sure if he was asleep again, or awake. He heard Trip's voice.

"So what went wrong?"

"Phlox said it was the meds."

"Too much?"

Hoshi laughed quietly. "Actually no. Too little, if you can believe it. But Phlox says that he should be 'stable' now..."

"This is stable?" Trip interrupted, voicing his disbelief.

Malcolm lost track of the conversation. Then Trip's voice came again. "What's wrong, Hoshi?"

"It was really scary," Hoshi replied, her voice shaking slightly. "At least with the other, um, hallucinations or whatever, he was, at least he was still himself." After a pause, Hoshi continued. "I mean, this one was really violent, Trip."

Malcolm heard someone shift, movement. Then Hoshi's voice continued. "What if it keeps getting worse? What if he _does something_ worse? What if something happens, he's dreaming, or his meds, and I can't stop him from..." Hoshi's voice broke.

Trip murmured, "I'm sorry, Hoshi."

There was silence, and water all around. Then voices again, getting closer.

"Anyway, we'll be out of here soon enough." Trip's voice faded again.

A while later or immediately, Malcolm heard Trip say, "Are you still up for tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just freaked." Hoshi laughed. "Sort of a post- traumatic freak out." She paused, then her voice dropped and became serious. "I'd still like to..." she stopped talking.

Malcolm heard Trip murmur softly, "Good, because I..." before the water rushed back in.

* * *

Malcolm sat on his bed in sickbay, his legs drawn up, his arms wrapped around them. He was staring straight ahead, his eyes blinking dreamily. He was trembling slightly.

Hoshi stepped in front of him, trying to catch his eye. "Malcolm, how are you feeling?" When he didn't respond, she brought her face level to his. "Malcolm?" She saw his eyes focus on hers for a second.

"The stars, waters broken, forsaken," he said, slurring. "'s cold." Then he was gone again, lost to his dreams.

Hoshi unfolded Malcolm's blanket. She placed it across his back, tucking it gently around his shoulders.


	6. Chapter 6

Malcolm wiped a hand across his eyes roughly. He yawned, and sat up on the bed, squinting against the bright light. He could see Hoshi slouching in a chair nearby, her eyes closed, sleeping. He smiled.

He looked around sickbay. He could still see rippling at the edges of his vision, but his head felt—not exactly clear, but better. He felt more awake. He turned his face to the ceiling, reaching up with one hand and moving his fingers. He watched the water move around his hand. Nodding, he looked back down.

Malcolm sat quietly on his bed. He watched Hoshi sleep.

* * *

"Malcolm, are you awake?"

Malcolm blinked slowly, shifting his seated position on the bed. "Yeah, I think so."

Hoshi leaned forward in her chair. She smiled, peering at him oddly. "You were quoting poetry."

"I was?" Malcolm opened his eyes wide, surprised. He hesitated, and then asked cautiously, "What did I say?"

"Something like, um, "Dear, they praise your beauty, the grass and sky..."

Malcolm blushed, shifting uncomfortably. "That's Seumas O'Sullivan."

"How's it go, really?"

"Ah, no, I'd rather not..." Malcolm paused, embarrassed. He ran a hand through his hair, leaving it tousled.

Hoshi pinned him with her gaze, a soft smile on her face. "I'd like to hear it."

Malcolm hesitated, then smiled. His eyes flashed. In a quiet voice, he began.

"Dear, they are praising your beauty, The grass and the sky: The sky in a silence of wonder, The grass in a sigh.

I too would sing for your praising, Dearest, had I Speech as the whispering grass, Or the silent sky..."

Malcolm broke his gaze from hers, looking up as Phlox entered the room. He glanced back to Hoshi, shrugging apologetically, as Phlox approached his bedside.

"Good to see you up and about, Malcolm," Phlox said. He turned to Hoshi. "Could we have a minute, please?"

Hoshi nodded and stood. She moved towards the doors of sickbay as she heard Malcolm's curtain being closed.

"How are you feeling?" she heard Phlox ask.

"Adrift," Malcolm whispered, laughing quietly. "Disconnected. And apparently somewhat poetic."

* * *

"Pardon me," Trip said jovially. He sat firmly between Hoshi and Malcolm on the couch, crowding them purposefully. He slid his arms along the back of the seat, resting one behind Malcolm's head, the other slipping lightly behind Hoshi, his fingers just brushing her shoulder. He leaned into Hoshi slightly and turned to Malcolm. "I see Phlox let you out. How are you feeling?"

"Steady the roar of the gale, with incessant undertone muttering..." Malcolm murmured, looking vaguely at Trip.

Trip turned to Hoshi, worry on his face. "Is he okay?"

"Mostly," Hoshi nodded. "He comes and goes." She smiled, leaning in to Trip, whispering confidentially, "He's been quoting poetry, off and on, but for the most part he's been pretty alert."

"Poetry," Trip said, puzzled. "Okay. That's...different." He turned back to Malcolm, shaking his shoulder gently. "You with us, Malcolm?"

Malcolm nodded and yawned. He shook his head, trying to focus.

Cautiously, Trip said, "Well, I have some good news." He peered into Malcolm's eyes, making sure he was aware enough to understand. "We're leaving here within the hour."

"Thank fuck," Malcolm muttered softly, running his hand roughly through his hair.

Hoshi laughed. "No kidding." Seeing the stares from both Malcolm and Trip, she continued. "What? It's boring here. I'm a linguist. There's no people, there's no language, what good am I?"

Malcolm leaned past Trip and looked at her, his eyes clear. "Actually, Hoshi, you've been wonderful. I appreciate what you've done for me."

Hoshi nodded, grinning at him warmly.

Trip smiled as well, still looking at Malcolm. "It'll be nice having you this awake all the time." He laughed. "I'm getting kind of tired of you falling off of chairs and stuff." He turned sober, giving Malcolm's shoulder a quick squeeze. "And it's not the same without you on the bridge, Malcolm. I'll be glad to have you back."

Malcolm smiled, blushing slightly.

"So, how long before you're back to normal?" Trip asked.

Malcolm sat back. "Well, once we finally leave here, it's going to take some time for my system to readjust. Phlox also tells me I have to be weaned off the medications."

Trip looked at him, surprised and concerned. "You can't just stop taking them?"

"No, apparently not," Malcolm shook his head. "Even tapering off, I may have problems." Seeing Trip's puzzlement, he shrugged. "Withdrawal."

Hoshi looked worried. "But you haven't been on them for that long."

"No, a couple of weeks just, but I get to take a _lot_ of them." Malcolm gave a subdued laugh. Then he smiled broadly. "I don't care. I'm just glad to be leaving this area." He put on a pensive expression, his eyes flashing merrily. "And anyway as well, maybe I won't get _all_ the symptoms. Maybe I'll just have the psychosis. That sounds like fun."

Trip smiled softly. "How about some hallucinations?" he joked gently, jostling Malcolm with his arm.

Hoshi butted Trip with her shoulder. "He already _has_ those."

Malcolm added sarcastically, "Yes, and I'll be sorry to see them go."

Trip jumped up. "Well, I have to go on shift. I just wanted make sure you knew, Malcolm."

Malcolm nodded.

Trip looked softly at Hoshi, smiling. "See you tonight, Hoshi."

Malcolm watched Hoshi as she smiled at Trip's retreating back. After a moment, he spoke.

"So, you and Trip are..."

Hoshi turned to Malcolm, an anxious expression on her face. "Yeah, we're going out tonight."

Malcolm nodded. "He's a good man, Trip," he said evenly.

Hoshi reached for his hand. "Malcolm..."

Malcolm moved his hand out of her reach, wincing slightly, keeping her at a distance. "It's fine, Hoshi."

Hoshi looked at him sadly. After a moment, she said, "I'm so sorry."

Malcolm looked down at her hand, near him on the couch. With one finger, he started tracing the outline of her fingers on the cushion. He watched ripples form as the water reacted to the pattern he was making. He stopped, looking up into her eyes. Then he smiled at her wistfully, pulling his hand away. "Yeah, me too."

* * *

> Steady the roar of the gale, with incessant undertone muttering...
> 
> —Walt Whitman, _Leaves of Grass_
> 
> Dear, they are praising your beauty...
> 
> —Seumas O'Sullivan, _Praise_
> 
> The stars, waters broken, forsaken.
> 
> —D.H. Lawrence, _Amores_  
> 


End file.
